Depravity

Fade...

Fade says my mind,
Fade is what you must do;
And I suppose I shall give credit where credit is due.

So fade to the black...
Fade to the white..
Fade to the static where there is no more spite.

Fade my mind!
Rest my thoughts!
Fade away knowing this was all for naught!

Fade from this stage...
Curtains close on this scene!
And let fade my goals, my hopes, my dreams.

For now I can hear these bells ringing in my ears.
Ringing through the pain, the fears, the tears!
And as I gather the presence of mind to gaze one last time,
At that joyous affliction that lays before me... I discover...

I can’t see straight...
No, I can’t see straight...

No, even a hand right in front of my face looks twisted, broken;
Like a mangled token;
Of a vision awoken;
By theses words I have spoken, no... I can’t see straight.

And I’m beginning to think I won’t ever again...
…So is this how it ends?
Is this the plan?!

Well if it is then just strike me down!
For if that’s my lot, why keep me around?
I’m sure someone else can be found;
For this position in which to be bound!

Why can’t you just let me fade out of memory?!
Is existence truly that much better?
Is this day, after day, after day, after day, really so much better?

Oh better... better than what you ask?  Who ask?  You ask?  To ask... that place of non-existence itself... What did I call it... Earlier... In my journal... The Void... The Void...... I like that.

But look at me talking to myself, even if it’s just a tad;
The first hints of my mind finally going raving mad.
Madness... you don’t scare me!  In fact... I like the taste of that word... 
In-san-i-ty.   It flows off the tongue.  Well...

If that’s Your plan, You’ve got my attention;
For that seems such an appealing direction;
To take my mind out of it’s detention.

So release it now!
Set it free!
Make wild sense of what I feel and see!
And if you can’t make sense of that!
Make up the parts I seem to lack!
Just promise never take me back!
Back to the dark!...
Back to that place that’s oh so dark... Inside...
Oh so dark inside...
Since th-ha-t
Since that...

For now every tear is a crimson red!
Inside my heart and inside my head!
For this appetite has not yet been fed!
Though every drop drips down to the pool...
...This pool here... No... It isn’t blood.

It’s safe... safe to drink,
It’s just been tinted, not tainted.

And now I shall...!  No.  What is... this...!  It cannot... I will not!

This is mine!!

To get there!
To be there!
To go there!
To see there!
By the touch that is hear and the hear that is smell.
And this smell nauseates my head to hell.
As I taste through sight, and see through ears.
Still weeping all these crimson tears!
My head it pounds!
This throb confounds!
Chased by the hounds!
On these fell grounds!

You want it back?!
You gave this to me!
It will destroy?
No! I like what I see!
This new me I see in this mirror!
This new and tinted mirror...
This red and crimson mirror...

It’s simpler here... in Depravity...

But why can I still hear these bells ringing in my ears!?!
Ringing through the pain, the fears, the tears!!
And as I gather the presence of mind to gaze yet once more,
At that joyous affliction that lays before me... I discover...
I can't see straight.

No, even a hand right in front of my face looks twisted, broken;
Like a mangled token;
Of a vision awoken;
By theses words I have spoken, no... I can’t see straight.

And I know I will never again...
But this is not how it ends.

No this is just the beginning...